I haven't posted in a really long time! I really only like to write when I feel it in my soul. When I know the words are going to flow out of me and I won't have to tear them out. I'm really excited about this post. It's about tithing. Giving back to God from what he has blessed us with. I personally feel that their are many ways to tithe and we should participate in all of them. The three main ways I try to tithe are financially, my time, and my talents. This post will mostly focus on the financial part.
As many of you know I was laid off from my job in November. This cut our family income in half! That is really significant, especially when you have two growing boys. I was worried, yet somehow calm. There were days when I really did not know how we were going to make it. According to our budget we would be short $400. I wasn't going to get a job where I had to leave the house and put the boys in daycare. Nick could not possibly get another full time job because then we would never see him. For us time together is more important then the extra money in our bank account. We were left with trusting God to provide. That was scary, yet exciting.
I have tithed for much of my life. Partially because my mom taught me to and partially because God says in Malachi 3:10-12 to test Him in this area."Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their fruit," says the LORD Almighty. "Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land," says the LORD Almighty. God has always proven Himself to me through tithes. I can think of one specific instance that pops right into my mind that I will share with you. Before I do that though let me say; I've heard of people receiving checks randomly and anonymously in the mail for say $47.51 which just happens to be their exact heating bill that month. God has never worked in that way in my life. He always gives back in ways that could be attributed to anything or anyone but Him. I think He works this way in my life so that I look for Him. Anyway my story. Nick had just moved to Great Falls to be with my pregnant self. I would tithe every month and Nick would not (he was not close to God at this point in time). One day we took a trip to the mall. I parked in the lot and when I came out there was some commotion around my car. Turns out and old man did not see my car parked there and thought it was an open space and pulled right in, obviously hitting my car. My car was pushed forward into the car in front of me. My car had very little visible damage and I was still able to drive it. I got it checked out and the mechanic said it was totaled. I was disappointed because my car was not worth what it was when I bought it so I wasn't going to get enough money to replace it with an equal or greater value car. I was pregnant, very pregnant, I didn't have time for this. I need a reliable car. Like the one I drove to the mall in that day. Well insurance eventually paid me $3000. And a local guy was able to fix all the damage for less then $1000. My car was basically back to perfect and I got to pocket $2000. God proved Himself to me and especially to Nick.
Now since I've lost my job God has been at work again. Here are the "random" ways we have made or been given extra money since I have lost my job: 1.) We received a bonus check of nearly $900 from Nick's work 3 days after I found out I lost my job. 2.) For Christmas someone anonymously sent us an Albertson's gift card. 3.) My dad gave us a Visa gift card. 4.) My family works at a local business in town and they were having meetings all day so they hired me for the day to watch the front desk. 5.) I was asked to babysit a good friend's kids twice a week. 6.) We were unexpectedly reimbursed a couple hundred dollars from health insurance. 7.) My babysitting gig ends in April and I have one photo shoot and a wedding booked for May. All these examples COULD be attributed to other things besides God but I KNOW that God has sent all these to us. For me there is no other explanation. God IS among us. He is listening and He does care.
Please understand that I am not writing this to toot my own horn. I am giving all glory to God. Yes, I tithe financially every month. But I fail at tithing my time and my talents. I rarely, if ever, give God back my talents. And time is definitely not as much as it should be. Time in prayer, time in the Word, time helping others. I need improvement. But I do want this to be an encouragement to everyone that God is true to what He says. Test Him in this. You wont' be disappointed. You WILL see Him.
HAPPY TITHING!
Monday, February 1, 2016
Monday, October 12, 2015
Nothing left
6:50 pm and I have nothing left.
I was woken up this morning by a fully awake 4 year old. I get up and get the baby. Feed both the kids and scarf something down myself. I get us all dressed and we rush out of the house to go get my paperwork. On the way there my little asks me about 25 questions (in 10 minutes, that's over 2 questions a minute...). I go inside get the paperwork and go back to the car and it's back to question and answer time. And it's not just questions it's arguing with me too when I do answer. If you think you're right WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THE QUESTION! Ugh. I remind myself it's still early and I need to chill. I don't react to all the questions. We get home and I know I need a sitter. TV. How I love this invention. I do my paperwork which is a lot since it is Monday so I have three days I need to input in to two spreadsheets. Baby cries. I have to hold him for the last 10 minutes of typing so I don't lose my sanity to all the screams. Braxton comes up. He's hungry. Of course. I say he needs to wait. I feed Jevin lunch and nurse him to sleep. I rush downstairs to work out which I'm only doing so that I can shower. I start my workout. It's horrible. I hate working out especially since I'm not showing that much progress and the progress I have shown is not new anymore and I want more. I finish. I remember I have laundry in the wash that I did three?? days ago. Crap. Wash it again. Finally I get to shower. Ah so nice, but I have to rush because Brax is hungry and so am I and I only have like 20 minutes before Jevin's one hour nap is over. (I don't choose for him to sleep for only an hour that's just what he chooses to do.) This is not how I would choose to have my alone time go. I warm up leftovers and serve them and eat in front of Netflix. Baby wakes up before I'm finished eating. Braxton comes upstairs. He wants to play. I've had just enough alone time that I can handle playing for a while. I get the baby and we all play dinosaurs. After a while of that I have to start cleaning up the kitchen so that I can dirty it again to make dinner. I clean it. I start our dinner and I start making Jevin's baby food. Braxton is playing ninja in the kitchen. WHACK. Sword in the back of the leg. Ouch. Jevin crying. He is apparently starving to death. Finally Nick gets home. Help has arrived. But it doesn't go how I envisioned. He wants to immediately talk to me about time off and hunting season and how much he is going to be gone the next month. This sucks. I miss him and I need help or I will literally lose it. Braxton interrupts us and he gets in trouble. He and Jevin are now both crying. Nick goes to talk to Brax and I pick up Jevin. Now I cry. I am trying so hard to get Jevin's food ready and ours because Nick is going out with a friend at 6. It's 5 and I'm cooking calzones and holding a baby. Nick asks what he can do to help and I hand him the baby and the baby food. Jevin is now quiet. Thank you! Braxton is better and now wants to play but it's time to eat. By the time the boys are done with their food I am just sitting down to eat. Nick leaves. I have to hold Jevin because it is his bedtime and he is screamingly tired and I just want to eat in quiet. But Braxton wants play so he asking me when I will be done about a 100 times. I finally tell him that I just want to eat and I want to do so in the quiet and he needs to play alone for a little while. Then after I eat I need to nurse Jevin to sleep. I figured and what I was hoping he would do was go play in his room. Nope. He stays by my side and quietly plays with the fridge magnets. Fine at least he is quiet and not asking me a million questions. I finish my food. Time to put Jevin to sleep. I decide that I need a sitter again. Hello TV. I get Jevin is his pj's and I nurse him, hoping to God he falls asleep fast because for the last week he has cried for like an hour after I put him down. Side one he falls basically sound asleep. YES!! I switch to the other side, eyes still closed. So far so good. Halfway done wide awake. Great....I lay him down when he is finished. He cries and has now been in there fussing for 45 minutes. I have nothing left. I am drained. My day wasn't even "hard" but my mind is fried. The constant questions, the cries, the schedule, money, the self doubt...it's all piling up. After my shower I didn't even brush my hair. Who are these moms that are all cute all the time? Where do they come from? How do I get what they have? These Pinterest put together moms. How are they so much better at this mom/wife thing then me. Self doubt. Are my kids getting enough of me? Should I get alone time during the day or is that selfish? My 10 month old isn't crawling yet, is that my fault? I must be the only mom that gets annoyed at my child's curiosity and questions. I'm a terrible mother. All these thoughts...I'm exhausted. I have nothing left. But I still have to prepare for homeschool tomorrow, pack my husband's lunch, clean up the kitchen, and put that damn laundry in the dryer before I forget again.
In my head I know I can't possibly be the only mom on earth who feels these things and has days like this. But when you are alone during the day, you feel alone. The devil is so good at filling my head to the point of exhaustion and tears.
But as I write this and reflect on the day God brings to light the blessing he gave me. He gave me a soft warm little baby that I got to cuddle with and smother in kisses all day. He gave me a four year old that loves me to pieces and can never get enough of me. How often did I wish someone wanted me the way he does when I was younger? I have it now. The biggest simple blessing was that I got to be home with my kids. I didn't have to pay someone else to have this day with my kids. I got all the hard stuff, yes, but I also got all the good stuff.
I am reminded that the days are long, so very long sometimes.
But the years are so very short.
I was woken up this morning by a fully awake 4 year old. I get up and get the baby. Feed both the kids and scarf something down myself. I get us all dressed and we rush out of the house to go get my paperwork. On the way there my little asks me about 25 questions (in 10 minutes, that's over 2 questions a minute...). I go inside get the paperwork and go back to the car and it's back to question and answer time. And it's not just questions it's arguing with me too when I do answer. If you think you're right WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THE QUESTION! Ugh. I remind myself it's still early and I need to chill. I don't react to all the questions. We get home and I know I need a sitter. TV. How I love this invention. I do my paperwork which is a lot since it is Monday so I have three days I need to input in to two spreadsheets. Baby cries. I have to hold him for the last 10 minutes of typing so I don't lose my sanity to all the screams. Braxton comes up. He's hungry. Of course. I say he needs to wait. I feed Jevin lunch and nurse him to sleep. I rush downstairs to work out which I'm only doing so that I can shower. I start my workout. It's horrible. I hate working out especially since I'm not showing that much progress and the progress I have shown is not new anymore and I want more. I finish. I remember I have laundry in the wash that I did three?? days ago. Crap. Wash it again. Finally I get to shower. Ah so nice, but I have to rush because Brax is hungry and so am I and I only have like 20 minutes before Jevin's one hour nap is over. (I don't choose for him to sleep for only an hour that's just what he chooses to do.) This is not how I would choose to have my alone time go. I warm up leftovers and serve them and eat in front of Netflix. Baby wakes up before I'm finished eating. Braxton comes upstairs. He wants to play. I've had just enough alone time that I can handle playing for a while. I get the baby and we all play dinosaurs. After a while of that I have to start cleaning up the kitchen so that I can dirty it again to make dinner. I clean it. I start our dinner and I start making Jevin's baby food. Braxton is playing ninja in the kitchen. WHACK. Sword in the back of the leg. Ouch. Jevin crying. He is apparently starving to death. Finally Nick gets home. Help has arrived. But it doesn't go how I envisioned. He wants to immediately talk to me about time off and hunting season and how much he is going to be gone the next month. This sucks. I miss him and I need help or I will literally lose it. Braxton interrupts us and he gets in trouble. He and Jevin are now both crying. Nick goes to talk to Brax and I pick up Jevin. Now I cry. I am trying so hard to get Jevin's food ready and ours because Nick is going out with a friend at 6. It's 5 and I'm cooking calzones and holding a baby. Nick asks what he can do to help and I hand him the baby and the baby food. Jevin is now quiet. Thank you! Braxton is better and now wants to play but it's time to eat. By the time the boys are done with their food I am just sitting down to eat. Nick leaves. I have to hold Jevin because it is his bedtime and he is screamingly tired and I just want to eat in quiet. But Braxton wants play so he asking me when I will be done about a 100 times. I finally tell him that I just want to eat and I want to do so in the quiet and he needs to play alone for a little while. Then after I eat I need to nurse Jevin to sleep. I figured and what I was hoping he would do was go play in his room. Nope. He stays by my side and quietly plays with the fridge magnets. Fine at least he is quiet and not asking me a million questions. I finish my food. Time to put Jevin to sleep. I decide that I need a sitter again. Hello TV. I get Jevin is his pj's and I nurse him, hoping to God he falls asleep fast because for the last week he has cried for like an hour after I put him down. Side one he falls basically sound asleep. YES!! I switch to the other side, eyes still closed. So far so good. Halfway done wide awake. Great....I lay him down when he is finished. He cries and has now been in there fussing for 45 minutes. I have nothing left. I am drained. My day wasn't even "hard" but my mind is fried. The constant questions, the cries, the schedule, money, the self doubt...it's all piling up. After my shower I didn't even brush my hair. Who are these moms that are all cute all the time? Where do they come from? How do I get what they have? These Pinterest put together moms. How are they so much better at this mom/wife thing then me. Self doubt. Are my kids getting enough of me? Should I get alone time during the day or is that selfish? My 10 month old isn't crawling yet, is that my fault? I must be the only mom that gets annoyed at my child's curiosity and questions. I'm a terrible mother. All these thoughts...I'm exhausted. I have nothing left. But I still have to prepare for homeschool tomorrow, pack my husband's lunch, clean up the kitchen, and put that damn laundry in the dryer before I forget again.
In my head I know I can't possibly be the only mom on earth who feels these things and has days like this. But when you are alone during the day, you feel alone. The devil is so good at filling my head to the point of exhaustion and tears.
But as I write this and reflect on the day God brings to light the blessing he gave me. He gave me a soft warm little baby that I got to cuddle with and smother in kisses all day. He gave me a four year old that loves me to pieces and can never get enough of me. How often did I wish someone wanted me the way he does when I was younger? I have it now. The biggest simple blessing was that I got to be home with my kids. I didn't have to pay someone else to have this day with my kids. I got all the hard stuff, yes, but I also got all the good stuff.
I am reminded that the days are long, so very long sometimes.
But the years are so very short.
Friday, September 25, 2015
Nick
As I write this my husband is in the back yard with my four year old in a tent. They are back yard camping. My husband is the best.
Today I told him that I would like to go look for a dress for my Grandpa's funeral tomorrow. I said "I know we don't really have the money but I would like to go look and maybe I will find something on sale." I was thinking MAYBE $20 and even that was a stretch. You know what he told me? "I have some extra money, go out and find whatever you like. Your budget is $200." What?! Now, I was never going to spend that much but he was very serious. I had $200 to play with. He watched the kids while I shopped. It took me three hours. I didn't find what I wanted and maybe it was because I was too specific or because I don't want to find a dress for this particular event. Either way I found something at least. I only spent around $45 for 4 different garments. It was exactly what I needed. Today wasn't hard or stressful at all. I didn't think I needed a day but I did and Nick gave that to me. Selflessly. When I got home I was discouraged by my lack of finding what I specifically wanted to find and I had a headache. I said I was going to go out to get myself something to eat because Nick and Braxton had already eaten and I didn't feel like cooking. Nick threw his wallet at me and said, "Go get something to eat." Again he blessed me. He gave me a day. A great day. He doesn't know how much it meant to me. For him to give me the means to have a day to myself. He didn't bother me with calls about the kids and he didn't call to check when I would be back. He just let me be. He doesn't know. Then after I get home he sets up the tent in the back yard and then takes Braxton fishing. I put Jevin to bed and my day to myself continues. He doesn't know. They get home from fishing and we all go out to the fire pit to roast mallows and dogs. We take fun flashlight pictures and laugh at Braxton missing his chair as he sits down. Then they go to sleep outside in the tent and I get the last few hours of the day to myself. He doesn't know. He doesn't know how much he has blessed me today by easing my daily load. He is my backbone and without him I would surely be paralyzed. He is my best friend and the love of my life.
From where we started I never thought I would have these feelings or be writing a blog about how amazing he is, but God works what was meant for bad into good. Doesn't He? Isn't our God amazing? The devil meant our unplanned pregnancy for evil but God took that and He flipped it. He flipped it from a scared, pregnant young girl and a caught between two worlds boy. A couple with no future. A couple with a hundred problems. A baby that was sure to have a split home. To - a confident mother and a leader of a man. To a married, God-fearing couple. To a couple with problems but none of them insurmountable. To two babies with one home full of love.
God transformed my life. He gave me what I didn't even know I needed. Nick. My husband, the father of my beautiful children, and my hero. I love you. I'm glad I get share in this journey of life and trusting God with you by my side. I'm glad God has already proved to us that trusting in Him is the only way. Look how amazing our lives are compared to three years ago. Imagine where we will be three years from now if we keep trusting daily in Christ and in each other.
Sleep well in the tent my loves.
Today I told him that I would like to go look for a dress for my Grandpa's funeral tomorrow. I said "I know we don't really have the money but I would like to go look and maybe I will find something on sale." I was thinking MAYBE $20 and even that was a stretch. You know what he told me? "I have some extra money, go out and find whatever you like. Your budget is $200." What?! Now, I was never going to spend that much but he was very serious. I had $200 to play with. He watched the kids while I shopped. It took me three hours. I didn't find what I wanted and maybe it was because I was too specific or because I don't want to find a dress for this particular event. Either way I found something at least. I only spent around $45 for 4 different garments. It was exactly what I needed. Today wasn't hard or stressful at all. I didn't think I needed a day but I did and Nick gave that to me. Selflessly. When I got home I was discouraged by my lack of finding what I specifically wanted to find and I had a headache. I said I was going to go out to get myself something to eat because Nick and Braxton had already eaten and I didn't feel like cooking. Nick threw his wallet at me and said, "Go get something to eat." Again he blessed me. He gave me a day. A great day. He doesn't know how much it meant to me. For him to give me the means to have a day to myself. He didn't bother me with calls about the kids and he didn't call to check when I would be back. He just let me be. He doesn't know. Then after I get home he sets up the tent in the back yard and then takes Braxton fishing. I put Jevin to bed and my day to myself continues. He doesn't know. They get home from fishing and we all go out to the fire pit to roast mallows and dogs. We take fun flashlight pictures and laugh at Braxton missing his chair as he sits down. Then they go to sleep outside in the tent and I get the last few hours of the day to myself. He doesn't know. He doesn't know how much he has blessed me today by easing my daily load. He is my backbone and without him I would surely be paralyzed. He is my best friend and the love of my life.
From where we started I never thought I would have these feelings or be writing a blog about how amazing he is, but God works what was meant for bad into good. Doesn't He? Isn't our God amazing? The devil meant our unplanned pregnancy for evil but God took that and He flipped it. He flipped it from a scared, pregnant young girl and a caught between two worlds boy. A couple with no future. A couple with a hundred problems. A baby that was sure to have a split home. To - a confident mother and a leader of a man. To a married, God-fearing couple. To a couple with problems but none of them insurmountable. To two babies with one home full of love.
God transformed my life. He gave me what I didn't even know I needed. Nick. My husband, the father of my beautiful children, and my hero. I love you. I'm glad I get share in this journey of life and trusting God with you by my side. I'm glad God has already proved to us that trusting in Him is the only way. Look how amazing our lives are compared to three years ago. Imagine where we will be three years from now if we keep trusting daily in Christ and in each other.
Sleep well in the tent my loves.
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Ding Ding
Some days just have a way of kicking you while you're down. Today hasn't been over the top hard or anything but just a lot of little things that knock me down and I keep getting back up until that last one. The last hit. And it doesn't even have to be a big hit, it can be a simple shove back to the ground as you are getting up. But by this time you are just so tired you just lay down and have a cry.
I woke up this morning to a unusually defiant four year old. And the defiance has only continued, along with whining, arguing, complaining, and thinking he is the boss. Plus the needs of my nine month old. Plus the needs of my house. Plus the needs of people at work. Plus my own needs which always fall in last place. So needless to say by now I'm just mentally exhausted and my day isn't over. But as I'm taking a break in the solitude of my bedroom I get on Facebook. I have no idea why I do this because Facebook always makes me feel upset, inadequate, or stupid. Rarely do I get on and see something that brightens my day. Anyway, I run across something. Something I wish I could have been included on. It's something that I couldn't have participated in any way because I am a mother and a wife and because of my job situation money is very tight. But it's something that in the past I would have no doubt been asked to participate in, but now, not so much. Because I am a mother and a wife. And apparently that is all. I admit I have let many (way more then I would like) friendships slip away. I wish so badly I had the time to keep up on all my friendships that were so dear to me, that still are very dear to me. But I can't. I have two little humans that need and take everything I am. But I am still a person. Strip away my kids for a minute (imagine they are off to college or summer camp). Without them I am still me. I still have feelings same as before I had kids, if not more. My point in all this is: it's still nice to be asked. Even if you know I can't go it's still really nice to be asked, to be thought of as just Lisa. I understand that that would be so frustrating to continue to ask someone to do something and they never do, I'd probably quit asking too. But I can guarantee that that mom you keep asking is smiling because she isn't forgotten.
Most days this little thing wouldn't phase me but after a day like today, after the daily grind of staying at home, it put me on the ground. But....I'm getting up. The little things put you to the ground but they also help you get back up. My four year old hasn't needed anything for 45 minutes, which is amazing. My baby gave me that four toothed grin I love so much. And I will see my husband soon. All these things are far greater in goodness then all those little things are great in badness. (If that even makes sense).
I woke up this morning to a unusually defiant four year old. And the defiance has only continued, along with whining, arguing, complaining, and thinking he is the boss. Plus the needs of my nine month old. Plus the needs of my house. Plus the needs of people at work. Plus my own needs which always fall in last place. So needless to say by now I'm just mentally exhausted and my day isn't over. But as I'm taking a break in the solitude of my bedroom I get on Facebook. I have no idea why I do this because Facebook always makes me feel upset, inadequate, or stupid. Rarely do I get on and see something that brightens my day. Anyway, I run across something. Something I wish I could have been included on. It's something that I couldn't have participated in any way because I am a mother and a wife and because of my job situation money is very tight. But it's something that in the past I would have no doubt been asked to participate in, but now, not so much. Because I am a mother and a wife. And apparently that is all. I admit I have let many (way more then I would like) friendships slip away. I wish so badly I had the time to keep up on all my friendships that were so dear to me, that still are very dear to me. But I can't. I have two little humans that need and take everything I am. But I am still a person. Strip away my kids for a minute (imagine they are off to college or summer camp). Without them I am still me. I still have feelings same as before I had kids, if not more. My point in all this is: it's still nice to be asked. Even if you know I can't go it's still really nice to be asked, to be thought of as just Lisa. I understand that that would be so frustrating to continue to ask someone to do something and they never do, I'd probably quit asking too. But I can guarantee that that mom you keep asking is smiling because she isn't forgotten.
Most days this little thing wouldn't phase me but after a day like today, after the daily grind of staying at home, it put me on the ground. But....I'm getting up. The little things put you to the ground but they also help you get back up. My four year old hasn't needed anything for 45 minutes, which is amazing. My baby gave me that four toothed grin I love so much. And I will see my husband soon. All these things are far greater in goodness then all those little things are great in badness. (If that even makes sense).
Friday, September 11, 2015
My Grandpa died a couple of days ago. My husband and I got in to it. And I lose my job.
I suppose I should start near the beginning. High school. I went to a small Christian school and I was an over achiever. I was never happy unless I was impressing everyone around me with my accomplishments. I had a 4.0 GPA and graduated at the top of my class. I was also captain of my basketball team and was the MVP all four years of high school. I also played volley ball and served on my student council. I volunteered. I was your basic over achieving blonde haired, blue-eyed, preppy girl. My family was proud. I went on to accept academic and athletic scholarships to the university in my home town. I was 19. I was ready and full of energy and life. But soon the daily grind of basketball practice at 5 am, classes that had nothing to do with my major (which I changed three times in a year), and parties became too much and I realized I wasn't happy. Basketball was a lot of work for a lot of sitting the bench for the JV team. A drastic change from high school. I was performing well in my classes and ended with a 4.0 but they were classes I saw no point to. I was wasting time and money. I didn't attend the next year. Instead, to my father's disappointment, I attended massage therapy school in Las Vegas. I lived with my aunt and studied. I had an awesome year and began to have a thirst for life and adventure. As school was coming to a close I was panicking about the impending doom of the real world. I tried in vain to get the same scholarships I had and attend the university again out of desperation. When that fell through I applied for a seasonal job at Glacier National Park. I got it. A new adventure. I had THE time of my life. I worked and partied. I met a lot of wonderful people including a boy name Nick. We didn't quite hit it off at first but by the end of the summer we were some what of a couple. The summer, as it always does, ended. Nick and I went our separate ways but stayed in contact. We decided to go to another seasonal job together for the winter and aimed for Colorado. We both landed jobs. Me in Keystone and him an hour away in Vail. All our days off were spent together. We had a lot of fun but for me fun wasn't enough any more. I was ready for some stability and adulthood...Nick was not. I was about to break up with him when I decided to take a pregnancy test. Positive. I was dead. My family would actually kill me when they found out. I wanted a way out. Because of the society we live in abortion crossed my mind for half a second but I could never! Then I thought I would just stay in Colorado with my friend for the nine months (my family would never come to see me) and give the baby up for adoption. But I just couldn't live with the secret. I told my family. Some took it way better than others. I was called so many names; slut, whore, disgrace of the family, to name a few. I faced everyone and it was incredibly difficult. Then came the time to face my Grandpa. He was the big one. One I was sure would lay into me. One that would be very difficult to see the disappointment on his face. I timidly rang the door bell. The door opened. There he is. I'm terrified. He puts his arm around me and says, "You are still as beautiful as ever." That's it. He never mentioned my growing belly again. And now he is gone.
I married my baby daddy and we are happier then ever. We welcomed our little one back in 2011 and he is now almost four and the light of our lives. And in December we met our second baby boy. We are happy and in love. God rescued us and brought us to Himself. I am stay at home mom but have been fortunate enough to be able to work from home for my cousin's dad. My husband works at the hospital full time. Being a stay-at-home mom is important to us. I feel called by God to be that. My husband wants me at home and I know my kids want their mommy. We are happy but we have our days (or weeks) that are rather challenging, this being one of them. It is never fun to fight or disagree with your spouse. Don't get me wrong, we aren't at each other's throats fighting constantly but are actively searching for the compromise, the happy medium.
After Grandpa's death and the fight with my husband I am tired. Drained. Then as I'm picking up my paperwork I get the good old, "I have to talk to you about something". My job is ending in November. Tears. I have two babies at home. We need this money. What are we going to do? I want to stay home still. I don't want Nick working two jobs, we need him home too. Can we pay the bills? Will we have to give up everything besides bills? Panic. But relief wash over me. I have been praying for a year about my job. It's incredibly difficult to take care of your family and have a job. Even if it's based out of your house and part-time. With a job comes stress and deadlines and pressure. I'm relieved that is about to be over. But like I said we need that money. We looked at our budget and we won't even make our bills on Nick's salary alone, and that is with as many cut backs as we can take out. I have kept up on my massage license and will be pursuing that as well as photography. Photography is something I think I would very much enjoy and I can't wait to see what God will do with that desire. But massage and photography aren't something that I can do full time with the kids still being around. And I am still going to stay home with them. So here is where trusting in God is essential. His peace has washed over me and for that I am so thankful, because, like my dad, I am a worry wart. I have my moments where I am very angry, where I can't understand why my job would end. Where I am a worry wart. And as I am having one of those moments the mail arrives. Inside was an unexpected, size-able, bonus check from my husband's work. Wow. God is going to see us through. He is amazing and he isn't surprised by my family's circumstances even though I am.
I feel that God has something special in mind for me and my family. I am trying to listen. I am trying to trust God. It's a minute to minute decision, but God does show Himself. We just have to look. And trust. It's definitely not easy. It doesn't come natural. This is my journey to trusting God.
I suppose I should start near the beginning. High school. I went to a small Christian school and I was an over achiever. I was never happy unless I was impressing everyone around me with my accomplishments. I had a 4.0 GPA and graduated at the top of my class. I was also captain of my basketball team and was the MVP all four years of high school. I also played volley ball and served on my student council. I volunteered. I was your basic over achieving blonde haired, blue-eyed, preppy girl. My family was proud. I went on to accept academic and athletic scholarships to the university in my home town. I was 19. I was ready and full of energy and life. But soon the daily grind of basketball practice at 5 am, classes that had nothing to do with my major (which I changed three times in a year), and parties became too much and I realized I wasn't happy. Basketball was a lot of work for a lot of sitting the bench for the JV team. A drastic change from high school. I was performing well in my classes and ended with a 4.0 but they were classes I saw no point to. I was wasting time and money. I didn't attend the next year. Instead, to my father's disappointment, I attended massage therapy school in Las Vegas. I lived with my aunt and studied. I had an awesome year and began to have a thirst for life and adventure. As school was coming to a close I was panicking about the impending doom of the real world. I tried in vain to get the same scholarships I had and attend the university again out of desperation. When that fell through I applied for a seasonal job at Glacier National Park. I got it. A new adventure. I had THE time of my life. I worked and partied. I met a lot of wonderful people including a boy name Nick. We didn't quite hit it off at first but by the end of the summer we were some what of a couple. The summer, as it always does, ended. Nick and I went our separate ways but stayed in contact. We decided to go to another seasonal job together for the winter and aimed for Colorado. We both landed jobs. Me in Keystone and him an hour away in Vail. All our days off were spent together. We had a lot of fun but for me fun wasn't enough any more. I was ready for some stability and adulthood...Nick was not. I was about to break up with him when I decided to take a pregnancy test. Positive. I was dead. My family would actually kill me when they found out. I wanted a way out. Because of the society we live in abortion crossed my mind for half a second but I could never! Then I thought I would just stay in Colorado with my friend for the nine months (my family would never come to see me) and give the baby up for adoption. But I just couldn't live with the secret. I told my family. Some took it way better than others. I was called so many names; slut, whore, disgrace of the family, to name a few. I faced everyone and it was incredibly difficult. Then came the time to face my Grandpa. He was the big one. One I was sure would lay into me. One that would be very difficult to see the disappointment on his face. I timidly rang the door bell. The door opened. There he is. I'm terrified. He puts his arm around me and says, "You are still as beautiful as ever." That's it. He never mentioned my growing belly again. And now he is gone.
I married my baby daddy and we are happier then ever. We welcomed our little one back in 2011 and he is now almost four and the light of our lives. And in December we met our second baby boy. We are happy and in love. God rescued us and brought us to Himself. I am stay at home mom but have been fortunate enough to be able to work from home for my cousin's dad. My husband works at the hospital full time. Being a stay-at-home mom is important to us. I feel called by God to be that. My husband wants me at home and I know my kids want their mommy. We are happy but we have our days (or weeks) that are rather challenging, this being one of them. It is never fun to fight or disagree with your spouse. Don't get me wrong, we aren't at each other's throats fighting constantly but are actively searching for the compromise, the happy medium.
After Grandpa's death and the fight with my husband I am tired. Drained. Then as I'm picking up my paperwork I get the good old, "I have to talk to you about something". My job is ending in November. Tears. I have two babies at home. We need this money. What are we going to do? I want to stay home still. I don't want Nick working two jobs, we need him home too. Can we pay the bills? Will we have to give up everything besides bills? Panic. But relief wash over me. I have been praying for a year about my job. It's incredibly difficult to take care of your family and have a job. Even if it's based out of your house and part-time. With a job comes stress and deadlines and pressure. I'm relieved that is about to be over. But like I said we need that money. We looked at our budget and we won't even make our bills on Nick's salary alone, and that is with as many cut backs as we can take out. I have kept up on my massage license and will be pursuing that as well as photography. Photography is something I think I would very much enjoy and I can't wait to see what God will do with that desire. But massage and photography aren't something that I can do full time with the kids still being around. And I am still going to stay home with them. So here is where trusting in God is essential. His peace has washed over me and for that I am so thankful, because, like my dad, I am a worry wart. I have my moments where I am very angry, where I can't understand why my job would end. Where I am a worry wart. And as I am having one of those moments the mail arrives. Inside was an unexpected, size-able, bonus check from my husband's work. Wow. God is going to see us through. He is amazing and he isn't surprised by my family's circumstances even though I am.
I feel that God has something special in mind for me and my family. I am trying to listen. I am trying to trust God. It's a minute to minute decision, but God does show Himself. We just have to look. And trust. It's definitely not easy. It doesn't come natural. This is my journey to trusting God.
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